Friday, March 1, 2013

The Giddy Gangly Gymnast Who Doesn't Breathe...


Feb 25, 2013

I'm not sure if the earth borked the tiniest bit in it's normal rotation, or what the heck else is going on, but today I feel totally relaxed. And happy. Even on a crazy, busy Monday! Maybe it's the 14, count 'em 14 hours of sleep I got Saturday night working a whole week with hardly any time off and then two extra days helping friends make the Snow Goose Festival what it is (an awesome event that is at the whim of weather [which was brutal] and geese [which are fickle, and also chose not to show up]).

Really, I think that today, with my two-week-sick-in-bed husband up and going again, and my kind of depressed son doing the same, I feel like I may very possibly NOT be holding up the entire world, with one tiny little Coumadin-assisted arm. I can take a breath, which I highly recommend! Not just because it's necessary to sustain life either, but because I am learning techniques to achieve my goal which is “turn some things down and turn some things off and just be quiet” (Thanks Elder Holland!). It turns out that breathing deeply and consciously is very relaxing and even more mind-clearing. Who knew? When a girl whirls around like a giddy, gangly, gymnast -- deep breathing? Well, it goes into hiding. It's not in the plan.

Oh, and there we have the second problem. What plan? Well, of course I had a plan. With lots of impossible stuff on it and no timeline...one that I was forever being distracted from (Look! Something shiny!). It ended up being a big ol' unchecked list left to remind me of all my epic fails.

And then a loved one got arrested. Which you think is a digression, but it's actually not. It's happened before and thrown me for a loop for weeks! This time though, I breathed deep, held my not-bailing-anyone-out-EVER tough love boundary and surrendered what I could not control to God. And guess what? He found some people He could work through and pretty much worked a miracle! I had, after the bail phone call, formulated a plan for my loved one that I was going to insist he work so he could be well and happy and, of course, out of jail and SOBER! On the 40 minute drive to pick him up, I prayed. I presented my plan to God, and He promptly told me to shush, and simply listen.

So I did. And on the ride home, my loved one laid out a plan he had formulated for himself in jail. While I breathed, and turned some things off (there actually is an “off” button on my mouth) he talked of spiritual experiences he'd had while locked up, and of reading scriptures with other inmates. His plan covered everything on my list. Everything. And he was so excited about it. Because it was his. And His.

And not mine.
 
And that my friends, is why today, I am happy, and writing. Cuz, as it turns out, happy+breathing+turning off and down= writing! Yay! Go me!