Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Being human...or at least I used to be!

“What did grandma used to look like when she was human…before she was all bumpy?” my granddaughter, Addie, asked her beautiful mother a few days ago.

“What does she mean by bumpy?”
I had to ask, didn’t I?

Fat. That’s what she meant. In the most loving way, though, because I know she adores me!
And it’s honest. I am fat. Overweight. Curvy. But not in the right places--and I have health issues that could be much-improved by losing, say, 50 pounds. Medication laughs in my face as I write this! “Haven’t you read our side-effects paperwork, you sweet, oblivious thing, you?”

That medication saves my life, keeps cancer in my past, and tells the absolute truth as well. Yes, it does.

So does Addie, bless her heart.

She’s right. I did used to be human…and a much skinnier one at that. Also, a sicker one.
I was sick in spirit, sick at heart, sick of all the things demanding my resources and highlighting my failures. I was a perfectionist who thought that was a good thing, Christ-like even. That belief, all by itself, cost me many years to clinical and chronic depression, not to mention relationships, opportunities, and in the end, health in general.

At this point, Addie,  you’re right. I am not human…at least not in totality. In totality, I am a daughter of Heavenly parents who created me in love and blessed me with amazing relationships, talents, opportunities and an infinite number of other precious blessings. So are you, darling and small and sinless as you are.

I have learned that I am not perfect. Definitely, not perfect. I am seeking perfection, but, as a lowly human, that was beyond my grasp. As an infinite being, and in partnership with a Savior/brother/friend, it is entirely possible. He has atoned for every sin, every weakness. He makes up for what I lack, and in that partnership, I am made whole, solvent, and way more than human…bumps and all. I am eternal, a Goddess in the making, the daughter of a King.

So, while “fat” is a word I’d like to put in my past, it doesn’t bother me. This body my Heavenly Father has blessed me with is a gift. And when I am resurrected, it will be perfect. Heavenly Father’s kind of perfect. Heck, maybe we’ll all be fat (as my good friend likes to say) … Maybe fat is perfect.

Thanks Addie, for the reminder. I needed that!

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